哈佛大学幸福课观后感(6篇)
1.哈佛大学幸福课观后感 篇一
幸福课观后感
首先在这里郑重感谢贾总指导我看了《幸福课》,我在看到第二级课的时候,我知道我会非常喜欢学习这门课,并且会非常认真地看完每一集,我做了不少笔记,并且在我自己的微博上将自认为精华的只言片语共享出来。我看视频的时候,心中油然而生的那种欣喜,缘于Tal讲述的许多理论或者道理,都是我自己在多年生活中的感悟,经Tal一讲述,我倏然发现这些原来就是宝藏,激励我在以后的工作与生活中继续应用这些朴实的原理,追求卓越的同时,倘佯那种幸福的感受。
正如Tal所说,他不是要教大家一些新的知识,而是提醒大家一些原本浅显的道理,只是它们被现实污染而遮盖。课中的许多道理,不仅可以应用在子女教育、家庭生活中,有许多也同样适用于工作中。在这里我主要就工作相关的部分分享一下学习的心得,其它方面我会在其它地方分享。
首先来看Tal对于压力的精彩评述,是不是整天生活在没有任何压力,无拘无束的工作就是幸福,就会快乐?答案是否定的。人其实应该保持在一种压力的拓展区,亦即在让自己需要勤奋努力工作,才能完成目标的一种状态,比如设定绩效,应该设定在你正常努力去做能够完成的基础之上,再稍微提升一点,但也不应该设定高到你一看就知道无论如何也达不到的地步。只有这样,才能激活你的创造和挑战的热情,这样才可能得到“超额包”,获得那种按部就班情况下无法得到的成就感。要注意的是既要给自己适当的压力,又要合理安排释放压力的休息时间,比如高效率地工作90分钟,安排15分钟的放松时间,紧张地工作了一周,得到周末的休闲,这个原理Tal用“无菌环境”生长的婴儿是否健康作为实例,做了精彩的讲述,就如同我自己对于锻炼的理解,许多人说我一直在家做家务,就是锻炼了呀,不用再单独找时间去锻炼了,其实我自己理解是不一样的,不能完全取代的。做家务就好像日常的工作,这种状态下你自己的肌肉不用作出超平时负荷的努力即可完成所有工作,这种状态下你的肌肉虽然也有锻炼,却没有成长,除非你是像少林小子那样挥扫把。在专门锻炼的情况下,你会去不断尝试挑战自我,这时就相当于让你的肌肉工作在一种拓展区,超负荷会损伤肌肉,但合理的加压锻炼,然后短暂的休息调整,这样才会提高肌肉的力量与耐力。对于工作中的适度压力,则是会提供你的工作能力,所谓我们应该追求可持续发展的幸福,要通过努力奋斗,给予自己适当压力,竭尽全力去完成。对于幸福感,则会提高你的幸福基准水平。
是不是幸福的人不会有失败,不会有挫折?这个答案同样是否定的。幸福的人从来不回避失败,他们把失败作为自己学习成长的机会,通过失败去发现自己潜在的弱点,去寻找弥补自己薄弱环节的方法,争取下一次的成功。幸福课程中,Tal反复强调的一句话就是“Fail to learn or learn to fail”(从失败者学习),成功者并不是生来就成功的,他们往往是那些失败最多的人。所以在追求我们自己的目标时,永远记住我们学会走路不是一蹴而就,而是经过爬行,不断摔倒练习,最后才能够优雅地迈步。而在这个过程中,迈出的勇气至关重要。而勇气并不是没有恐惧,而是心怀恐惧,但是还是一如既往的前行。(Courage is not having no fear but having fear and go ahead anyway)。在心理安全的组织中,可以安全地讨论过失,不会害怕告密,不会害怕摔倒。这样的组织才可能会是学习型组织和创新型组织,因为员工有机会从失败中学习。
幸福的人是不是完美主义者?肯定不是的,完美主义者即使获得幸福,也是极其短暂的,Tal用X先生的精彩实例给我们讲述了一个幼儿园小孩,成长为一个跨国公司执行董事的案例。我们放弃作为完美主义,是不是就没有追求,就是幸福?同样不是,放弃完美主义不是放弃志向,而是允许和接受失败,不会放弃自己的雄心,不会放弃整个旅程和结果。我们应
该成为那种追求卓越的人,这里Tal重点比较了完美主义者和追求卓越者之间的差别,虽然他们都同样充满对事业的追求,追求工作做到尽善尽美,但是缘于心态的不同,对于失败解读的不同,造就了他们本质的差异。完美主义者往往认为一件事要么全部做到最好,要么根本不做(All or Nothing),完美主义者对于失败有种失能性的恐惧,始终追求一种直线到达目标的捷径,完美主义者不能接受批评,是一种典型的逐利者,完美主义是事情耽搁的最主要原因。而追求卓越者,从来不认为成功是一蹴而就的,他们认可能够接受失败,认为成功的路途荆棘密布,一种曲折、带有起伏螺旋式的路程,认为失败是一种反馈,一种成长的机会,他们不仅意识到目的地的重要,同样重视沿途的风景,他们心胸开阔,虽然喜欢接受批评,但也并非享受批评,因为他们明白这是成长与发展必须的重要部分,他们不仅关注成功,也享受过程。
对于优缺点的关注,从Tal的讲课中,我同样觉得很有收获,虽然以前读过类似的介绍,但是从心理学的角度加以诠释让我更为容易接受。是否我们必须去掉我们每个人身上的所有缺点,才能取得更大的成就?答案也是否定,我们可以去努力去除我们的缺点,但我们更因该关注于培养我们的特长,就如同我们在员工管理上,我们不要寄希望于重现锻造每个人,去除他们的缺点,达到我们理想的同一个机模,然后用这些标准素材去完成工作。充分合理利用每个人的长处,强化他的优势,充分认识和感知他的优点,这点才是用好人的关键。我们在群体中可以集体讨论过失,但我们应该更多关注在集体中好的方面,Tal教授讲解“自我实现预言”时,用了美国黑人女教师Marve Collins 在教育学生时重要的一条是“挖掘学生的潜能”(cultivate the best of the students)或者“应该关注的是学生擅长什么而不是他们聪不聪明”。只关注失败、错误,会让我们对美好的事物、优异的表现越来越麻木,越来越漠不关心,员工会不在乎自己是否优异的工作,而只是想我不要失败就可以。不断感激优异的工作表现和成绩,他们就会增值,否则就会贬值。关注优异的表现,不等于忽略失败,而是要坦然接受失败的现状,冷静分析失败产生的原因背景,总结经验教训,避免以后再犯。关注自己的长处比关注自己的短处更能让自己快乐和成功,问题缔造现实,总是关注各类失败最好的结果是不再犯同样的失败,确不能走向卓越,我们的关注点,直接影响了我们的认知,你只关心社会的黑暗面,你的世界将永远处在黑暗中,你天天关注社会的美好方面,怀着感恩的新,你的世界将永远阳关灿烂,长期关注优异的表现也更会让企业走向成功。
在“过犹不及“一课中,Tal谈到专注是关键,工作生活都是如此,减少任务,避免同时进行多个任务,多个任务同时进行时,人的智商其实是严重下降的。只坚持真正想做的事情,可以完成的更多,多则劣,少则精。聚焦工作,则工作效率更高,状态更佳。谈到选择要做的事情时,Tal给出建议:确定你可以做的事,然后确定你想做的事,然后确定你最想做的事,最后确定你最想最想做的事。“舍得舍得,有舍才有得”。
幸福课其实就是主要讲解积极心理学,我在这里借用快乐传播的途径,隆重推荐各位读到此处的人去观看学习幸福课,因为不是说你看完了,你就整天洋溢在幸福的海洋中,而是你即使面临挫折,你也可以具有很强的心理的免疫系统,你可以很快从失败的阴影中走出,拥有幸福地工作与生活的良好心态,坚毅勇敢地走向追求卓越之路。
杨建春
2.哈佛大学幸福课观后感 篇二
幸福生活成为教育目的
北爱尔兰义务教育改革提出培养学生成为“独立的个体, 有益于社会发展的人、有益于经济和环境发展的人”。发展学生潜能, 使其能在生活中做出具有预见性的选择和决定, 对自己的选择和决策负责。
在家政课上, 学生在真实的生活场景中, 准备和烹饪食物, 了解饮食和健康。老师鼓励学生去思考人类与食物的关系, 指导学生正确选择食物, 激励他们热爱、珍惜食品。
在学校里, 青年人要学习如何做一名未来的合格父母, 了解和学习在多元及变化的家庭模式中父母应发挥的作用和承担的责任。家政教育讨论独立生存的相关话题, 有助他们对现在和未来的个人健康、家庭关系和生活资源做出更多合理的选择和判断。
家政教育研究和探索家庭生活的规律、管理办法和操作技巧, 提高家庭生活质量。培养学生独立生活能力, 有助于养成良好的生活方式。家政教育指导学生如何幸福和健康地生活, 有效地服务于课程总目标。
从生活的视角来设计课程
家政教育的学习内容包括健康饮食、家庭关系和独立生活三个部分。以学习健康饮食为例, 学生要学会安全、卫生、健康的烹饪技能, 能安全地使用各种烹饪器具和设备, 能计划、准备、烹饪和处理各种各样的食品。通过学习, 学生能有创意地搭配食物材料, 烹饪出满足不同文化和场合的食品。教师还要求学生研究食品储存、准备和烹饪前后的营养变化。如营养价值的流失、有害食品的预防和食品变质等常识, 从而探索健康饮食的方法。
从能力、情感、价值观入手开展课程
在学习家庭关系时, 学生有机会探索各种家庭结构中个人的作用和责任, 如家庭中的责任共担、角色互换。
此外, 老师会传授做父母的技能和意识, 如怎样培养孩子智力、如何养成良好的社会道德;调查家庭成员在不同阶段的角色需要, 包括身体 (营养) 、智力、情感和社交的需要;探索管理和处理家庭突发事件的策略。
在培养孩子独立生活、合理消费方面, 家政教育还帮助学生形成洞察力, 做有效的资源管理者。如调查影响消费者选择和决定的各种因素, 调查在各种情况下消费者的权利、责任及能获得的支持。培养他们的计划、适应环境、时间管理、自我管理、理财等能力。
社区活动助力家政教育
学校和社区每年会举办诸如“年度青年厨师”、“未来厨师”等竞赛活动, 举办方会发给参赛者规定的资金, 要求他们设计菜谱、购买食材、烹饪菜肴, 然后从营养、经济和美味等角度宗合评选。
获奖者不仅能得到政府和学校的表彰, 获得奖状和奖金, 还能作为升学推荐的重要依据。在北爱尔兰人眼里, “获奖者具有高超的烹饪技术, 具备管理时间、任务和金钱的能力, 身上洋溢着非凡的创新意识、动手能力和生活魅力”。
健康饮食、家庭关系和独立生活的学习内容帮助学生构建了真实的全景式生活场景。将学生不同的社会角色培养融入在家政教育中, 既培养了学生生活的技能, 又健全了人格。
3.哈佛教授的幸福课 篇三
泰勒在以色列长大,1992 年到哈佛求学,专业是计算机科学。其间,他不仅获得全美壁球赛的冠军,还被派往剑桥大学交换学习,但这些并没有让他感到持久的幸福。他回忆说:“一天晚上,我试着再回味一下取得成就的快感,突然间所有的快乐都消失得无影无踪,内心变得很空虚,只有迷惘和恐惧。泪水涌出,不再是喜极而泣,而是伤心难过。”他极力保持镇定,告诉自己这只是暂时的神经过敏。但接下来的日子里,他仍没有找回快乐,反而空虚感越来越重。慢慢他发现,成就感并未为他带来任何幸福,于是他读有关幸福的书,从亚里士多德到孔子,从古代哲学到现代心理学,从学术研究到自助书籍,等等。最让他着迷的是老子的《道德经》,正是这本书让他豁然开朗,遂转到哲学和心理学系学习。
毕业后,他决定留校讲授“幸福课”,并在做了半年的调查后发现,有80%的学生有过一次非常沮丧和消沉,47%的学生有过一次因为太沮丧而无法正常做事,10%的学生曾考虑过自杀……这些令人担忧的现象,更坚定了他讲授“幸福课”的决心。
2002年,泰勒首次在哈佛开设了“幸福课”。开课时,仅有8名学生听讲,有6人坚持到了最后。对此他反思道:“我总想在学生面前扮演一个完美的导师,结果适得其反。只有袒露真实的人性,在学生面前做个自然的人,才会唤起他们真实的人性,也才会受到他们的尊重。”他改变了讲授方法,从生活实例中让学生真切感受到幸福观。而他讲述最多的是“蒂姆的故事”,这个故事晃动着许多人熟悉的影子。
蒂姆小时候是个无忧无虑的孩子。但从上小学起,父母和老师总是告诫他必须取得好成绩,长大后才能找到好工作。却没人告诉他,学习是件令人开心的事。因为害怕考试考不好,蒂姆背负着焦虑和压力,精神寄托就是每个假期。熬到高中后,蒂姆的压力已大到了无法承受,期望上大学后一切都会变好。大学4年,蒂姆仍被焦虑裹挟,毕业后被一家著名的公司录用后,他心想终于可以享受生活了。可很快就感觉到,这份高薪工作充满压力,虽然在加薪或升职时,会有一些满足感,但却稍纵即逝。现在,蒂姆有了自己的公司,有了豪宅、名牌跑车,存款一辈子都用不完,可他却并未感觉有多幸福。
泰勒以这个故事告诫大家:人们总会习惯性地去关注下一个目标,而常常忽略了眼前的事情,一旦目标达成后就认为是幸福,实际上,这只是“幸福的假象”。为此他总结了获得幸福的3个要素:1. 什么带给我意义?2. 什么带给我快乐?3. 我的优势是什么?并要注意顺序,然后看一下答案,找出其中的交集点,能让自己快乐而有意义的目标,才是真正需要的幸福。
泰勒的“幸福课”越来越受欢迎,第二年有300多名学生,第三年就升至850人,现在已成为哈佛学生最受欢迎的课程之一。
2006年2月,哈佛校长劳伦斯·萨默斯因惊人之语“女人先天不如男”而付出了“下课”的代价,他很烦恼,就去找泰勒帮助释疑解惑。泰勒慷慨为他支招:“你烦乱失落和难过都属正常,因为你也是人,应该去大胆地经历你现在正经历的任何事,并自然接受下来。即使是被逐出世界顶级大学的校长之位,你还可以反省一下做哈佛校长的经历,回忆任期内的巅峰时刻,用你的所学去寻找新的机会和用武之地,如果你有兴趣,我会在我的课堂上为你留下一个座位。” 在听了泰勒的几次授课后,萨默斯对发生的事情也释然了:“我心满意足地离开哈佛,我很感激泰勒的幸福课帮我找到了勇气并改变了自己。”
在哈佛的校报上,学生有许多反馈意见:“开始上这门课时我不以为然,但接下来我惊奇地发现,自己真的放松了。”“这是我在哈佛上过的最好的课,它改变了我的生命,让我看问题时有了不同的视角,对幸福的理解也改变了。”“它的奇妙之处在于,当听课者离开教室时,都迈着春天一样的步子”……
泰勒总结了幸福的10个小秘诀:
1.遵从内心的热情。选择对你有意义并能让你快乐的课。
2.多和朋友在一起。亲密人际关系最有可能带来幸福。
3.学会失败。别让对失败的恐惧绊住你尝试新事物的脚步。
4.接受自己的全部。允许自己偶尔的失落和伤感。
5.简化生活。更多并不代表更好,应求精而不在多。
6.有规律的锻炼。
7.睡眠。每天7~9小时的睡眠,是一笔非常棒的投资。
8.慷慨。你可能没有太多钱,也没有太多时间,但这并不意味着你无法助人。
9.勇敢。勇气并不是不恐惧,而是心怀恐惧,仍然向前。
10.心怀感激。始终保持感恩之心,每天或至少每周一次记录他人的点滴恩惠。
泰勒的“幸福课”告诉人们:每个人在追求有意义而又快乐的目标时,不应该再去消磨光阴,而是在自己觉得有意义的生活方式里,享受它的点点滴滴,这就是幸福,也非常简单。
4.哈佛大学的幸福课 篇四
出人意料,2006年哈佛最受欢迎的选修课是“幸福课”,听课人数超过了王牌课《经济学导论》。教这门课的是一位名不见经传的年轻讲师,名叫泰勒•本•沙哈尔。
在一周两次的“幸福课”上,沙哈尔没有大讲特讲怎么成功,而是深入浅出地教他的学生,如何更快乐、更充实、更幸福。
据哈佛一项持续6个月的调查发现,学生正面临普遍的心理健康危机。调查称:过去的一年中,有80%的哈佛学生至少有过一次感到非常沮丧、消沉,47%的学生至少有过一次因为太沮丧而无法正常做事。
在美国,抑郁症的患病率,比起20世纪60年代高出10倍,抑郁症的发病年龄,也从上世纪60年代的29.5岁下降到今天的14.5岁。而许多国家,也正在步美国后尘。1957年,英国有52%的人,表示自己感到非常幸福,而到了2005年,只剩下36%。但在这段时间里,英国国民的平均收入却提高了3倍。
“我们越来越富有,可为什么还是不开心呢?”这是令许多美国人深感困惑的问题。
我们来到这个世上,到底追求什么才是最重要的?
沙哈尔坚定地认为:幸福感是衡量人生的唯一标准,是所有目标的最终目标。“人们衡量商业成就时,标准往往是金钱。用金钱去评估资产和债务、利润和亏损,金钱是最高的财富。我认为,人生恰恰与商业一样,也有盈利和亏损。”
“具体地说,在看待自己的生命时,可以把负面情绪当作支出,把正面情绪当作收入。当正面情绪多于负面情绪时,我们在幸福这一‘至高财富’上就盈利了。” “长期的抑郁,可以被看成是一种‘情感破产’。整个社会,也有可能面临这种问题,如果个体的问题不断增长,焦虑和压力的问题越来越多,社会就正在走向幸福的‘大萧条’。”
一项有关“幸福”的研究表明,人的幸福感主要取决3个因素:“遗传基因、与幸福有关的环境因素以及能够帮助我们获得幸福的行动。而积极心理学,可以帮助人们活得更快乐、更充实。幸福,是可以通过学习和练习获得的。”
沙哈尔说:“我知道它是可行的,因为,它已深深地帮助了我。” 我们的很多课,都在教学生如何更好地思考、更好地阅读、更好地写作,可是为什么就不该有人教学生更好地生活呢?把艰深的积极心理学学术成果简约化、实用化,教学生懂得自我帮助,这是沙哈尔开设“幸福课”的初衷。
幸福,应该是快乐与意义的结合
沙哈尔对幸福的理解,发生根本转变的起因,是他早年的一次重要经历。16岁那年,在以色列长大的沙哈尔,获得了全国壁球赛的冠军。在长达5年的训练中,空虚感如影相伴,他一直觉得生命中缺少了什么。虽为此闷闷不乐,但他仍坚信:无论身体或心理都要坚强,才能最终取胜;而胜利,一定会带来充实感,也能让自己最终幸福。
终于,沙哈尔如愿以偿,夺冠后的他欣喜若狂,和家人、朋友举行了隆重的庆贺。那时,他对自己的理念更加深信不疑:成功可以带来快乐,过去所受的种种苦痛,都是值得的。
“可就在那天晚上,睡前我坐在床上,试着再回味一下无限的快感。可是突然间,那种胜利的感觉,那种梦想成真的喜悦,所有的快乐,都消失得无影无踪。我的内心,忽然又变得很空虚,只有迷惘和恐惧。泪水涌出,不再是喜极而泣,而是伤心难过。在如此顺意的情况下,尚不能感到幸福的话,那我将到何处,去寻找我人生的幸福?”
他极力让自己镇定,并告诉自己这只是暂时的神经过敏。但在接下来的日子里,他仍没有找回快乐;相反,内心的空虚感越来越重。慢慢地他发现:胜利,并没为他带来任何幸福,他所依赖的逻辑彻底被打破。“从那时起,我开始对一个问题非常着迷:如何才能得到真正的幸福?”
沙哈尔注意观察周围的人,谁看起来幸福,他就向谁请教。他读有关幸福的书,从亚里士多德到孔子,从古代哲学到现代心理学,从学术研究到自助书籍等等。最后他决定去大学主修哲学和心理学。
他的幸福观,逐渐清晰起来:幸福,应该是快乐与意义的结合。
“一个幸福的人,必须有一个明确的、可以带来快乐和意义的目标,然后努力地去追求。真正快乐的人,会在自己觉得有意义的生活方式里,享受它的点点滴滴。”
沙哈尔竟然从汉堡里,总结出了4种人生模式
当年,为了准备重要赛事,除了苦练外,他须严格节制饮食。开赛前一个月,只能吃最瘦的肉类,全麦的碳水化合物,以及新鲜蔬菜和水果。他曾暗中发誓,一旦赛事完了,一定要大吃两天“垃圾食品”。比赛一结束,他干的第一件事,就是奔到自己喜爱的汉堡店,一口气买下4只汉堡。当他急不可待地撕开纸包,把汉堡放在嘴边的刹那,却停住了。因为他意识到,上个月,因为健康的饮食,自己体能充沛。如果享受了眼前汉堡的美味,很可能会后悔,并影响自己的健康。望着眼前的汉堡,他突然发现,它们每一种都有自己独特的风味,可以说,代表着4种不同的人生模式。
第一种汉堡,就是他最先抓起的那只,口味诱人,但却是标准的“垃圾食品”。吃它等于是享受眼前的快乐,但同时也埋下未来的痛苦。用它比喻人生,就是及时享乐,出卖未来幸福的人生,即“享乐主义型”;
第二种汉堡,口味很差,里边全是蔬菜和有机食物,吃了可以使人日后更健康,但会吃得很痛苦。牺牲眼前的幸福,为的是追求未来的目标,他称之为“忙碌奔波型”;
第三种汉堡,是最糟糕的,既不美味,吃了还会影响日后的健康。与此相似的人,对生活丧失了希望和追求,既不享受眼前的事物,也不对未来抱期许,是“虚无主义型”;
会不会还有一种汉堡,又好吃,又健康呢?那就是第四种“幸福型”汉堡。一个幸福的人,是即能享受当下所做的事,又可以获得更美满的未来。
不幸的是,据沙哈尔观察,现实生活中的大部分人,都属于“忙碌奔波型”。人们习惯性地去关注下一个目标,而常常忽略了眼前的事情。
幸福的假象——蒂姆的故事
沙哈尔经常讲“蒂姆的故事”。在这个故事里,晃动着许多人熟悉的影子。蒂姆小时候,是个无忧无虑的孩子。但自打上小学那天起,他忙碌奔波的人生就开始了。父母和老师总告诫他,上学的目的,就是取得好成绩,这样长大后,才能找到好工作。没人告诉他,学校,可以是个获得快乐的地方,学习,可以是件令人开心的事。因为害怕考试考不好,担心作文写错字,蒂姆背负着焦虑和压力。他天天盼望的,就是下课和放学。他的精神寄托就是每年的假期。
渐渐地,蒂姆接受了大人的价值观。虽然他不喜欢学校,但还是努力学习。成绩好时,父母和老师都夸他,同学们也羡慕他。到高中时,蒂姆已对此深信不疑:牺牲现在,是为了换取未来的幸福;没有痛苦,就不会有收获。当压力大到无法承受时,他安慰自己:一旦上了大学,一切就会变好。
收到大学录取通知书时,蒂姆激动得落泪。他长长舒了一口气:现在,可以开心地生活了。但没过几天,那熟悉的焦虑又卷土重来。他担心在和大学同学的竞争中,自己不能取胜。如果不能打败他们,自己将来就找不到好工作。大学4年,蒂姆依旧奔忙着,极力为自己的履历表增光添彩。他成立学生社团、做义工,参加多种运动项目,小心翼翼地选修课程,但这一切完全不是出于兴趣,而是这些科目,可以保证他获得好成绩。
大四那年,蒂姆被一家著名的公司录用了。他又一次兴奋地告诉自己,这回终于可以享受生活了。可他很快就感觉到,这份每周需要工作84小时的高薪工作,充满压力。他又说服自己:没关系,这样干,今后的职位才会更稳固,才能更快地升职。当然,他也有开心的时刻,在加薪、拿到奖金或升职时。但这些满足感,很快就消退了。
经过多年的打拼,蒂姆成了公司合伙人。他曾多么渴望这一天。可是,当这一天真的到来时,他却没觉得多快乐。蒂姆拥有了豪宅、名牌跑车。他的存款一辈子都用不完。
他被身边的人认定为成功的典型。朋友拿他当偶像,来教育自己的小孩。可是蒂姆呢,由于无法在盲目的追求中找到幸福,他干脆把注意力集中在了眼下,用酗酒、吸毒来麻醉自己。他尽可能延长假期,在阳光下的海滩一呆就是几个钟头,享受着毫无目的的人生,再也不去担心明天的事。起初,他快活极了,但很快,他又感到了厌倦。
做“忙碌奔波型”并不快乐,做“享乐主义型”也不开心,因为找不到出路,蒂姆决定向命运投降,听天由命。但他的孩子们怎么办呢?他该引导他们过怎样的一种人生呢?蒂姆为此深感痛苦。
为什么当今社会有那么多“忙碌奔波型”的人呢?沙哈尔这样解释:因为人们常常被“幸福的假象”所蒙蔽。
我们所处的社会环境和文化背景是这样的:假如孩子成绩全优,家长就会给奖励;如果员工工作出色,老板就会发给奖金。人们习惯性地去关注下一个目标,而常常忽略了眼前的事情,最后,导致终生的盲目追求。然而一旦目标达成后,人们常把放松的心情,解释为幸福。好像事情越难做,成功后的幸福感就越强。不可否认,这种解脱,让我们感到真实的快乐,但它绝不等同于“幸福”。它只是“幸福的假象”。
这就好比一个人头痛好了之后,他会为头不痛而高兴,这是由于这种喜悦,来自于痛苦的前因。“忙碌奔波型”的人,错误地认为成功就是幸福,坚信目标实现后的放松和解脱,就是幸福。因此,他们不停地从一个目标奔向另一个目标。在沙哈尔看来,寻找真正能让自己快乐而有意义的目标,才是获得幸福的关键.他们把物质与财富,放在了快乐和意义之上
在课堂上,沙哈尔不断地向听讲者发问:
我们可以不停地追问“为什么”,来反思自己所追求的东西:可以是大房子、升职或任何其他的目标。看看要问多少个“为什么”,才能落到“幸福”的追求上?问问自己,我做的事情,对我有意义吗?它们给我带来了乐趣吗?我的内心,是否鼓励我去做不同的尝试?是不是在提醒我,需要彻底改变目前的生活?
沙哈尔的哲学老师在他毕业时,给了他一点忠告:“生命很短暂,在选择道路前,先确定自己能做的事。其中,做那些你想做的。然后再细化,找出你真正想做的。最后,对于那些真正、真正想做的事,付诸行动。”
沙哈尔也这样教他的学生,如何寻找能发挥自己优势和热情的工作。用以下3个关键问题,先来问问自己:一,什么带给我意义?二,什么带给我快乐?三,我的优势是什么?并且要注意顺序。然后看一下答案,找出这其中的交集点,那个工作,就是最能使你感到幸福的工作了。
10多年前,沙哈尔遇到过一个年轻人。他是一名律师,在纽约一家知名公司上班,并即将成为合伙人。坐在他的高级公寓里,中央公园的美景一览无余。年轻人非常努力地工作,一周至少干60个小时。早上,他挣扎着起床,把自己拖到办公室,与客户和同事的会议、法律报告与合约事项,占据了他的每一天。当沙哈尔问他,在一个理想世界里还想做什么时,这名律师说,最想去一家画廊工作。
“难道说,现实世界里找不到画廊的工作吗?”年轻人说不是的。但如果在画廊工作,收入会少许多,生活水平也会下降。他虽对律师楼很反感,但觉得没其他选择。
因为被一个不喜欢的工作所捆绑,所以他每天并不开心。在美国,有50%的人对自己的工作不甚满意。但沙哈尔认为,这些人之所以不开心,并不是因为他们别无选择,而是他们的决定,让他们不开心。因为他们把物质与财富,放在了快乐和意义之上。
“金钱和幸福,都是生存的必需品,并非互相排斥。”他说。
他进一步说,通常在越感兴趣的事情里,人就越能发挥自己的天赋,越能做得持久。人一旦有了热情,不但动机坚定,连做事效率也会提高。举例讲,一个热爱学习的学生,可以在学习中享受创造的愉悦,而这快乐的成果,还可以帮他取得好成绩,助其获得未来的幸福。在亲密关系中也一样,两个人共享着爱情的美好,并促进彼此的成长和发展。
许多研究表明,一个幸福的人,在生活的各个层面上都会很成功,包括婚姻、友谊、收入、工作表现以及健康。幸福与成功,存在强烈的相互作用,无论是工作上还是感情上的成功,可以带来幸福;而幸福本身,也能带来更多的成功。
沙哈尔总结出这样3种工作境界:赚钱谋生、事业、使命感。如果只把工作当成任务和赚钱的手段,就没有任何的个人实现。这样每天去上班,只是必须而不是想去,他所期盼的,除了薪水,就是节假日了;把工作当事业的人,除了注重财富的积累外,还会关注事业的发展,如权力和声望等。他们会关心下一个升职的机会,期望从副教授到终身教授、从教师到校长、从职员到主管、从编辑到总编辑;假如,把工作当成使命,那工作本身就是目标了。薪水、职位固然重要,但他们工作,是因为他们想要做这份工作,动力源自内心。工作是一种恩典,而不是为人打工。他们对工作充满热情,在工作中自我实现,获得充实感。他们的目标,正是自我和谐的目标。
有一项研究,是针对医院清洁工的。一组人觉得自己的清洁工作很无聊,没啥意义;但另一组人,觉得很有意义,做得很投入。他们与护士、病人以及家属交谈,想办法让医院员工、病人舒适。他们看待工作的角度更高,并在其中找到了意义:我不仅仅是个倒垃圾和洗衣服的人,正是我的工作,让医院正常运转,帮助病人更快地康复。
就像第二组人,由于在日常工作中找到了使命感,因而从中也得到了更多的意义和快乐,他们与服务对象的关系,也不再是简单的金钱关系。有时候,人们并没有换工作,或改变工作环境,他们所做的,只是赋予了工作本身更多的意义,从中发现乐趣,因而也提升了幸福感。
可以想像,一个因为家长的压力而学法律的人,是无法在其中找到长久快乐的;相反,如果是基于对法律的热爱而成为律师的话,那他在维护公义的同时,也会觉得很幸福。
“一个在工作中找到意义与快乐的投资家,一个出于正确动机的商人,绝对要比一个心不在焉的和尚,高尚和有意义得多。”沙哈尔笃定地说。
不同的人,会在不同的事里找到意义。如创业、当义工、抚养子女、行医、甚至是打家具。重要的是,选择目标时,必须确定它符合自己的价值观、爱好,符合自己内心的愿望,而不是为了满足社会标准,或是迎合他人的期待。“真我的呼唤”,就是使命感。
“那真是神奇的时刻。”沙哈尔用一段话,描述这种美妙的体验:我甚至形成了一种迷信,世上确实有看不见的力量在帮我。只要你追随自己的天赋和内心,你就会发现,生命的轨迹原已存在,正期待你的光临,你所经历的,正是你应拥有的生活。当你能够感觉到自己正行走在命运的轨道上,你会发现,周围的人,开始源源不断地带给你新的机会。(这段有些诡异,但也许这就是教会存在并得以发展的本因吧)
“在追求有意义而又快乐的目标时,我们不再是消磨光阴,而是在让时间,闪闪发光。”
我也有不快乐的时刻,因为我们是人
一天,在哈佛的食堂,有个学生走到沙哈尔面前,问他:你就是那个教人如何快活的老师吧。学生接着又说:你要小心,我的室友选了你的课,如果哪天我发现你并不快乐,我就要告诉他,别再上你的课。沙哈尔看着这个学生,笑着道:没关系,我现在就可以告诉你,我也有不快乐的时刻,因为我们是人。
“总有人问我,你能帮我消除痛苦吗?可是为什么要用这种态度来对待痛苦。痛苦,是我们的人生经验,会让我们从中学到很多。人生的成长和飞跃,经常发生在你觉得非常痛苦的时刻。” 漫漫人生,每个人都不可避免地会面临悲伤的时刻,比如经历失败或失去,但我们依然可以活得幸福。事实上,期盼无时无刻的快乐,只会带来失望和不满,并最终导致负面情绪的产生。
一个幸福的人,也会有情绪上的起伏,但整体上,能保持一种积极的人生态度。他经常被积极的情绪推动着,如欢乐和爱;很少被愤怒或内疚,这些负面情绪所控制。快乐是常态,而痛苦都是小插曲。
刚开始讲“幸福课”时,沙哈尔很想扮演一个无所不知、幽默的人,一个完美的导师,为此,他特地跑到喜剧演员培训班学习。但他不是那种能开激烈的玩笑,做夸张表演的人。无论怎么学,他也达不到想要的戏剧效果。
想让自己当一个完美的老师,他发现这样即害了自己,也害了学生。“每次都很紧张,怕被发现面具下真实的样子,结果把自己搞得很累。这样不仅害了我自己,也伤害了学生,等于给学生树立了一个‘完人’典型,告诉学生走一条永远走不通、错误的路。打开自己,袒露真实的人性,会唤起学生真实的人性。在学生面前做一个自然的人,反而会更受尊重。”
沙哈尔希望他的学生,学会接受自己,不要忽略自己所拥有的独特性;要摆脱“完美主义”,要“学会失败”。
为了更好地记住“幸福课”的要点,沙哈尔还为学生简化出10条小贴士: 1.遵从你内心的热情。选择对你有意义并且能让你快乐的课,不要只是为了轻松地拿一个A而选课,或选你朋友上的课,或是别人认为你应该上的课。
2.多和朋友们在一起。不要被日常工作缠身,亲密的人际关系,是你幸福感的信号,最有可能为你带来幸福。
3.学会失败。成功没有捷径,历史上有成就的人,总是敢于行动,也会经常失败。不要让对失败的恐惧,绊住你尝试新事物的脚步。4.接受自己全然为人。失望、烦乱、悲伤是人性的一部分。接纳这些,并把它们当成自然之事,允许自己偶尔的失落和伤感。然后问问自己,能做些什么来让自己感觉好过一点。
5.简化生活。更多并不总代表更好,好事多了,也不一定有利。你选了太多的课吗?参加了太多的活动吗?应求精而不在多。
6.有规律地锻炼。体育运动是你生活中最重要的事情之一。每周只要3次,每次只要30分钟,就能大大改善你的身心健康。
7.睡眠。虽然有时“熬通宵”是不可避免的,但每天7到9小时的睡眠是一笔非常棒的投资。这样,在醒着的时候,你会更有效率、更有创造力,也会更开心。
8.慷慨。现在,你的钱包里可能没有太多钱,你也没有太多时间。但这并不意味着你无法助人。“给予”和“接受”是一件事的两个面。当我们帮助别人时,我们也在帮助自己;当我们帮助自己时,也是在间接地帮助他人。
9.勇敢。勇气并不是不恐惧,而是心怀恐惧,仍依然向前。
5.哈佛大学幸福课观后感 篇五
Wow your last class.what I’d like to do today is summarize what we’ve gone through some of the journey as much as possible, and what I’d like to share that the responsibility of summarizing to share it with you.So I’d like to start with you thinking and reflecting about the course.In the other words, we are going to run the class today, like a small intimacy section.And afterwards I’ll go through what I think of some of the highlights main points from the semester.So I want to start with a time-in, an opportunity for you to reflect and specifically I would like you to reflect on the following things and write them down.So go over your notes or go over your mental notes.And write down at least two things that were particularly meaningful or interesting for you from this semester whether it’s something that you heard in lecture something you discussed in section and somehow was connected to your experience here.Anything or at least two things those were personally meaningful and interesting to you.This is the firs thing, the second thing that I’d like you to write down and you may have done it before and may have written before.At least two commitments that you are making, two behavioral changes or attitudinal changes, two commitments that you are taking upon yourself.Now that the semester is almost over.So again, two meaningful or interesting ideas at least and at least two commitments whether it’s in the form of rituals, attitudinal change or behavioral change.So take a few minutes to do that in a time-in.Know what I’d like you to do and this is completely voluntary of course is share some of the things that you’ve learned at least one thing that you learned that was personally meaningful or interesting to you from this semester.and if you feel comfortable the one of the two commitments or both two commitments that you’ve taken upon yourselves with the person next to you or with two people next to you.So just take 5 minutes to share with one another one interesting or meaningful thing and one commitment or two.我今天想做的是尽可能的总结一下我们一路来所得的收获,我想和你们分享这个总结的责任,你们也要一起分享,所以我想从你们思考和回忆课程内容开始。换言之,我们今天这节课就像个亲密的互动环节,之后我会讲一遍我认为的这学期的一些重点知识,我想先从你们开始,给你们机会回顾一下,我尤其希望你们能够回顾以下主题并把它们写下来,翻阅一下你们的笔记、搜索一下脑海,写下至少两件你觉得这学期最有意义或你觉得最有趣的东西。不管是课上听到的内容、小组讨论的话题,你阅读时读到的东西,课后你和朋友讨论过的和这门课有所联系的问题,什么都可以,至少两样对你来说最有意义的或是最有趣的东西。我想让你们写下的第二个内容是你们可能以前试过、可能以前写过,至少两样你所决心做的转变、;两种行为转变或态度转变,两样你要付诸实施的改变。既然学期都快结束了。再说一遍,至少两样有意义或者有趣的事情以及至少两个转变。不管是建立例行公事、态度转变或行为转变,花一点时间把他们写下来。
O.k.hope you continue the rest of your day for the rest of your life sharing what you’ve learned what you are learning how are you growing.now what I would like to do is hear some of you just talk about you know one thing perhaps you found interesting or meaningful that could be directly from the class or something tangential but what was meaningful or interesting for you this semester.and we have some microphones spread around the room.so if anyone would like to be the first one, to volunteer.remember courage is not about not having fear ,it’s about having fear and going ahead anyway.If courage was about not having fear, I would not be teaching this class.好吧。我希望你们在今天或人生中余下的时间还能继续分享学过的知识和正在学的知识,你如何成长。我现在想做的是听听你们讲讲一样你认为它有趣或有意义的事,可以是课堂内容也可以来自其他涉猎但却是这学期对你来说有趣或有意义的东西,我们把话筒在整个教室传递,有没有人愿意做第一个自愿讲讲的。还记的吗,勇气并不是没有畏惧而是有了畏惧还坚持向前,如果勇气是没有畏惧,我就不会来教这门课了。
“I think for me what the most important thing was the idea of self-concordant goal not being frivolous or selfish but actually being some one should actively pursue and can help the person around you more than by pursuing that what you are told to pursue”
“我觉得对我来说最重要的东西就是自我和谐的目标,不是浮躁或自私的而是一种每个人都应该积极追求的,可以帮你身边的人而非别人让你追求什么,你就追求什么”
Greer’s essentially dissolving this divide between self and the other.and remember the dalai lama how surprised he was when he came to the west and heard our world for compassion means essentially compassion toward others whereas sway in Tibetan means compassion towards others and compassion toward oneself.they go hand in hand;they are interwined.so identifying our self-concordant goals is very much about helping ourselves and ultimately making the world a better place ,wonderful.“很好,消除自我和他人之间的分歧,还记得吗?**喇嘛,当他到了西方国家后有很多惊讶,他听说我们的同情这个词指的是对他人的同情而藏语中的sawai既指对他人的同情也包括对自我的同情,它们是彼此交融的,所以要找到自我和谐的目标,很大程度就是要帮助自我并最终使世界变得更美好,非常好,谢谢你。”
“I found Roger Bannister story really meaningful to me especially because I know nothing is impossible even there are scientists telling you things are impossible, you can still achieve them”
“我觉得Roger Banister对我来说很有意义,尤其因为我现在明白了一切皆有可能,即使科学家说有些事是不可能的,你也还是可以做到。”
Right, you know so often people tell us that it’s impossible, you can’t do it.And we have that voice at the back of our mind, those limiting beliefs, whether it’s limiting beliefs about how we can feel: and what we can achieve.And what roger banister’s story dose what it helps us do is chip away some of these limitations and understand of our potential.“对,人们经常会跟你说这个是不可能的,你做不到,我们的脑海中总是回响着这样的声音,这些狭隘的想法,既包括对我们的感觉,也包括我们所能做的事,而Roger Bannister的故事能帮我们打破一些这样的束缚,挖掘自身的潜能。谢谢你。”
“The day when you told the story about your grandmother and how she was able to still see so much beauty in the world after everything she has been through was very, very moving for me.And that was a very unique experience to be so emotionally moved in this academic setting.So that was really powerful.And that really made me reevaluate the way I look at my life and the way that I appreciate the things that I have”
“那天你提到了关于你祖母的故事,她是如何经历坎坷后终于看到世间种种美景的,这深深的打动了我。在这样的学术氛围中能如此感动实在是一种特殊而难得的体验,真的很有力量,也使我重新审视自己看待人生的方式以及珍惜我所有的东西的方式”
“I really like the idea that we can get over bad things a lot quicker than we would anticipate.I just think that you know so often”we cheat ourselves of so much success, so much potential, and pleasure.But I think, you know just the idea of going forward and that we will ultimately get over it if it doesn’t work out.That’s the most important.” 我很喜欢那个“我们忘记坏事情比我们想象的快得多”的观点,我经常思考这一点,我们总是骗自己说有多成功,多么有潜能,多么快乐,但我想朝着目标向前冲就算没能达到也会最终释怀的想法是非常重要的。“
Right, yes, you know just like when we achieve something good we go back to base level and feel like as we did before also when we fail.And it’s a real liberating feeling to know that we will recover.“没错,我们有所成就时能回复平和,感觉就像从前一样,而当我们失败时,要知道我们是能重新振作的,是会很快恢复的,是很能让人解脱的,谢谢。”
“For me, it was important to realize balance between the rat racer and the hedonist finding the balance between short term benefit and long term benefit”
“在我看来,找到竞争主义者和享乐主义者之间的平衡点很重要遗迹短期益处和长期益处之间的平衡。”
Right.So much of our lives is about “either or”.Either I’m a successful rat racer or I’m a hedonist who has given up essentially on success.Whereas what we can very often do is reconcile the two.You know, eat the cake and leave it whole so it seems.Future benefit and present benefit in one.“人生经常会遇到非此则彼的情况”要么我是个成功的竞争主义者,要么就是放弃成功的享乐主义者,而我们其实通常能将两者融合,就像咬一口蛋糕还保持其基本完整,长期益处和短期益处的结合,谢谢。” “To seek to be known and not validated and the way you taught the class opening up, let’s say each individual failure you had in your life, I found my own failures they are different but they are the same, I feel less lonely”
“被人所知而非被证明,以及你教课的方式,比如上课前会讲你人生中经历的许多失败,我就觉得我自己的失败,它们是不同的,但又是统一的,我觉得没那么孤单了”
Thank you, you know when I shared at I think the very first class here was what Carl Rogers said which is what is most personal is most general, because deep down humanity, is humanity, is humanity.And when we live in the world with the desire to be known, expressing ourselves that’s I think when we can reach out most to others whether it’s in a romantic relationship whether it’s in friendship whether it’s in a classroom, thank you.“谢谢,你知道吗,我在第一节课就讲过的Carl Rogers说过‘最个人的也是最大众的’因为从本质来说,这些都是人性,当我们活在这世上,有被了解的欲望,表达自我,这是我们最能和他人触碰的时候,不管是爱情、友情或是同学之间,谢谢。”
“One thing I would take away from this class is conscious about being grateful because sometimes I feel that you take for granted the people you love the most”
“我从这门课学到的一点就是要学会感恩,因为有时我感觉人们总是把最爱的人当做理所当然”
To be grateful, there are so many treasures of happiness of well being all around us and within us.And the challenge is just to open our eyes to appreciate them.“感恩,我们的周围和内心都有那么多快乐和幸福,最重要的是我们睁开我们的双眼去感受它们”。
“What was really amazing to me was how open others not in the class such as family and other friends not in the class to also take on this change in their life.They didn’t see it as cookie self-help thing but really as.Oh yeah maybe I should take note of all the things I’m grateful for in my life and other exercises”
“对我来说这门课对其他不是学生的人很开放,比如家人以及其他不学这门课的同学,同样也能这样改变他们的人生,他们并不会刻意感觉到这对他们有好处,而是“哦对,我该记下我生活中该感恩的东西”以及其他的”
This is paying it forward, sometimes we are so afraid to talk about things that matter to us and when we do and when we are genuine, when we express ourselves, this things are contagious.And then they pay it forward.“对,这就是传递,有时我们很害怕说出自己看重的东西,而当我们说出它时,当我们是真实的、当我们是真挚的、当我们表达自我时,这些东西是会被传染的,我们会将其传递出去,它们再继续不断传递” “Before taking this class I blame my mood and my happiness a lot on those going around me like my circumstances.So taking this class really helps me aware the circumstances really don’t control your happiness level that I have more than an active role like how I feel”
“在学这门课之前,我将自己的悲喜都归咎于周围的事物,比如我的环境,学这门课真的帮到我很多,意识到周围环境其实并不会掌控你的快乐,我应该更积极地了解自己的感受。”
Right, remember one of the things we talked about is that at least I don’t think that things necessarily happen for the best.You know there are some times where there are bad circumstances poor circumstances hard circumstances, the challenge through is how can we make the best of that which have happened.And we do have much more control over it than we think.“是的,还记得我们讲过,至少我不认为什么事都能一帆风顺,有时我们会遇到坏情况、糟糕的情况、艰难的情况,最大的挑战其实是我们如何能更好的利用发生的一切,我们确实比自己想象的更有力量来掌控。”
“The class allowed me so many times during almost every day to understand something is part of me being human as part my permission to be human rather than conceive it as my feelings or something that I wasn’t doing well enough”
“这门课让我几乎每天都能很多次地感受我是个普通人,我允许自己为人而不是臆想出来的或者总想着我没做好的事”。
So the permission you know I have repeated it for so many times and I’ll continue to repeat it until use every minute that I have to do it because it’s really on so many levels the foundation of well being.Unfortunately too much in our culture today what is going on what I call the great deception? Where we think well everyone is doing great except for me.So I’m going to pretend I’m doing great too.And then we become part of that great deception reinforcing it.The permission to be human.“允许为人,我反复多次提到它,并将继续提到,即使到了生命的最后几分钟也会继续,因为从很多方面来说它确实是幸福的基础,不幸的是我们如今的文化过于强调我所说的‘巨大骗局’,我们认为每个人都很棒,就我不行,所以我要假装我也很棒,然后我们就成了巨大骗局的一部分,一定要反复强调‘允许为人’。”
“The whole piece about perfectionism, I have never seen myself as a perfectionist and I just think it’s just kind of self denial.So through the exercises in the course as well as you know in the book different readings that we’ve done have really allowed me to explore that, and accept that and make proactive changes in my life to grow away from that” “关于完美主义的那些内容,我从没觉得自己是个完美主义者,我觉得那是种自我否定,通过课堂上的练习以及课本的内容、我们做的各种阅读真的使我去探索去接受它,并主动地做出改变来远离它。”
Great.You know perfectionism is again another thing that so many people hide because perfectionist almost by definition doesn’t want to show the weakness.And as I mentioned in the class unpertionism for me has been the most important in terms of my progression toward becoming happier.Accepting failure as an inevitable accepting that life is not a straight line but rather a spiral with ups and downs along with the general trajectory as improvement, growth and permission.“很好,完美主义同样是人们经常隐藏的,因为完美主义者从定义上说就是不愿意显露出弱点,而正如我在课上所说的我认为不完美主义是在向着幸福前进道路上最重要的一点,接受不可避免的失败,接受人生不会是一条直线,而是有起伏的螺旋,但主轴仍然在,也就是进步、成长和允许为人。” “So for me that one of the things that really resonated was the idea of reframing the question.At the beginning of the term you spoke about the fact there was the 21 to ratio of negative to positive research.And as someone who will be going into research in neurobiology.It was really interesting just reframing of a world view just start thinking of, well perhaps starting looking at what is working in terms of research.And, so I will take that with me into my academics”
“我觉得最有共鸣的一点就是重新构建问题。在学期刚开始你讲到消极和积极的研究所得到的21::1的比例,对于我这样马上要进行神经生物学研究的人来说能够重建世界观是很有趣的,开始思考对于研究来说什么是最重要的,我会在自己的学术领域中用到它。”
The importance of questions, questions create our reality.Remember the question of the children on the bus which most people completely missed;remember years and years of research that was done in the inner cities with at risk population where they missed the answer to how can we improve their lives.They missed it because they did not also ask the positive question.And it applies into every area of our lives as I’ll talk about soon “问题的重要性,问题能创造我们的现实。还记得公交车上的孩子们的问题吗。很多人都忽视了,年复一年我们在城市中对高危人群进行研究,却总是找不到改善他们生活的方法,因为他们没有问出积极的问题,我很快会讲,这也适用于我们生活的各个方面。”
“Before I always procrastinate, that is my big problem for my academic.Now I improved a lot.So thank you very much”
“此前,我一直是个拖延的人,这是我学习中的大问题,现在我进步了很多,非常感谢你”。
Procrastination, you know 70 percent of students in universities complain about procrastination.It’s a huge issue.And one of the ways to overcome it, the best way to overcome it is to just do it.Just start remembers the five-minute take-off.That’s so important.Thank you.“拖延症,70%的大学生抱怨说有拖延症,这是个大问题,客服它的最好方式就是去做。还记得五分钟休息吗,那非常重要。谢谢。” “I was just really impressed with the reading that we read by Gilbert that was talking about how the good luck in your life and the wonderful circumstances you find yourself in are really your own making.And by changing your outlook and your patterns you can really make a difference in your happiness day to day”.“我对我们阅读Gibert的作品印象非常深刻,讲的是关于生活中的好运以及你觉得自己置身的美好状态,其实都是你自己创造的,通过改变你的外表和衣着,你可以每日逐渐改变自己的幸福感。”
Yeah, you know so many people live lives and think only I didn’t meet that person, if only this hasn’t happen to me.I would have been happy.And understanding that so much of it is determined by our perception is very empowering.“很多人或者会想‘要是我没遇到这个人就好了,要试着在事情没发生在我身上,我就会很幸福的。’要明白这其中很大一部分都是由我们的理解决定的很重要的。”
“What has been most meaningful for me has been in fact that this class exists and there are so many people interested in happiness cause you know the culture here at Harvard we don’t always get the chance to really think about it.And as you said, you know it’s you are just reminding us what we already know but it’s also letting us know that we are not crazy for knowing it”
“对我来说最有意义的其实就是这门课的存在,有这么多人关心幸福,因为在哈佛这样的氛围中我们不一定总有机会来思考这个,正如你所说,你只是提醒我们一些已经知道的事,也让我们知道,我们了解它是正常的”
Yahweh is not.We are not alone.And we need that reminder and other people need that reminder.By reminding other people we also reminder ourselves.Thank you.“是的,我们并不孤单,我们需要有人提醒,其他人也需要通过提醒其他人我们也提醒了自己,谢谢。”
“For me it’s the concept of integrity because I think we are all honest people but it’s the little things at times each day when we compromise our beliefs or act in a way that doesn’t align with how we think we should and that really takes toll on you esteem.So the idea of being constantly aware of and maintaining our integrity I think really stands to help us feel better about ourselves”
“我觉得是正直的概念,因为我认为我们都是诚实的人,但就是每天的各种小事情让我们的信仰屈服或者让我们言行不一,这会对我们的自尊造成影响,所以时刻意识到并保持我们的正直能让我们对自我感觉更良好。”
Because you know when we tell the truth, we are communicating a certain message to ourselves, when we express ourselves we are communicating a certain message to ourselves.And the message is my words count;I count.When we express we are good enough don’t need to put on a façade or impresse,then the message the self perception theory actually enhances how we feel about ourselves not to mention that it helps interpersonal communication.And the world would be a better place if more and more people acted with integrity.And again, self and others divide dissolves.“当我们说真话时,其实正给自己传递某种信息。当我们表达自我时,我们在给自己传递某种信息,这个信息就是我的话有分量,我有分量,当我们表达“我很棒”无需过分想给他人留下印象,而这个信息这个自我知觉理论能提升我们的对自身的看法,更不用说对人际关系的提升了,也能使世界变得更美好。如果越来越多人能够正直,那么同样自我和他人之间的分歧就会消除。”
“one of the phrases that you shared with us in your lectures that really impacted me and I’ve actually embraced it as a kind of personal mantra is learn to fail or fail to learn, there’s no other way.And I kind of realized throughout the course, this class what a perfectionist I have been and how much time throughout my life my earliest memories have stuck really torturing myself, the anxiety and fear of making a mistake and to reframe that and really look at those inevitable moments where I messed up as you know fuel for moving forward, as opportunities has been wildly liberating.So thank you for that ”
“你在课堂和我们分享的一句话深深震撼了我,我事实上已将其作为了座右铭,‘学会失败、或从失败中学习,没有别的法子’经过这门课的学习我意识到我曾经是怎样的完美主义者以及我人生中我的早期回忆一直在这折磨自己,焦虑以及对放错的恐惧,重构这些真正回头看那些不可避免的失败时刻能成为我前进的动力,我面前突然一片开阔,非常感谢你”
The notion of learn to fail and fail to learn as you know is my personal mantra as well.It’s very liberating within the context of relationship within the context of our academic performance within the context of an organization on every level.And it’s important to understand that there is no other way to learn whether it’s to draw a circle or to walk.It’s just part of life.And if we accept it, we are much happier for it.Thank you.“学会失败,从失败中学习的概念其实也是我个人的座右铭,它能让人解脱在人际关系中、在学业成绩中、在一个组织的各个层面中,重要的是要知道没有其他更好的学习方法,不管是画圈圈或是学走路,这只是人生的一部分,我们就能更快乐,谢谢。”
“What’s really been meaningful to me in deciding what concentration to pursue is the idea of happiness is ultimate currency and trying to kind of eliminate outside influences and really think about what is meaningful to me and what will make me happy in what I study.So thank you” “对我来说特别有意义的就是真正要专心追求的东西,快乐是最终目的,要试图消除外界的影响,认真思考在我所学的东西中什么能让我快乐”
The ultimate currency you know many people say about Americans that one of the reasons why the level of depression are on the rise, one of reason why there are so many unhappy people is because Americans have too high expectations.And that’s not right.I disagree with it;and the research disagrees with it.It’s not about having high versus low expectations;it’s about having right versus wrong expectations.And it applies to, to many areas but one of the things to understand is that where do we look to again gratification from our life.Is it from, again getting the next accolade, the next promotion or the people tell us how wonderful our concentration is? Or is it from doing what we want to do, in other words, being determined by the ultimate currency and understanding that happiness is the ultimate currency? Thank you.“最终目的,和很多人说美国人之所以抑郁水平不断攀升,之所以有那么多不快乐的人,其中一个原因就是美国人有过高的期望,这是错的,我不同意,研究也不能证明这一点。这不是过高期望或是低期望的问题而是正确或错误期望的问题,这适用于很多领域,但我们要明白的一点是我们在人生中何处获得满足,是来自下一句的赞美、下一次升职、或是人们说我们又多棒吗,还是来自我们想做的事。换言之,我们最终的目的所决定的事,而最终的目的就是快乐,谢谢。”
“I feel that all this semester and all this year in fact I have been trying to, I have been either going to class or running to lab or just finding some way to fill up every hour of my day.And it seems like I’m constantly running from one place to another and it seems all my life I have been just essentially trying to fill up every hour of my day.And I think what’s really important and what I really got from this is what you said about doing less is more.And that’s something I’m definitely going to take like keep in mind the next three years when I’m here”
“我觉得这整个学期,这整一年我一直都在要么上课要么跑向实验室,寻找方法来填满我的每一天,似乎我永远在从一处跑向另一处,似乎我的整个人生都在试图填满每一分钟,我觉得特别重要的我真正学到的就是你所说的做得少其实是更多,我会认真的在我接下来在哈佛的三年中将这一点铭记于心”
Yeah, less is more.Quantity affects quality.And we so often wonder you know “how can I am unhappy?” I have so many things in my life that are wonderful and amazing.And that could be part of the problem.Because more is not always better.Not easy to simplify that’s so very important.“对,做得少其实是更多,数量会影响质量,我们经常好奇‘我为什么不快乐,我人生中有这么多美好的东西’这可能就是问题的一部分,因为更多不一定意味着更好。把事情简化很难,这是很重要的。”
“The concept of simplicity on the other side of complexity is so awful for me, because you know when you grow up in life you add all these variables and it becomes more and more complicated.And as a is certain about not being able to simplify.But when you say at the top of the complexity is when you realize the beauty, realizing that the simplify comes after complexity not before complexity.And the knowledge of complexity that’s an amazing concept”
“复杂性另一面的简单性的概念,我觉得非常奇妙。当一个人成长时就会加入各种各样的变量,变得越来越复杂。不能把问题简化是让人沮丧的,但你说道了复杂的顶点后,你会发现那种美,发现简单是出现在复杂之后的而非在复杂之前。而对复杂性的理解,那是个非常棒的概念”
So Oliver Wendell Holmes talks about the simplicity on the other side of complexity.And that applies whether it’s to ideas and again this class most of it is very simple.And there were no very complicated concept here.But many of them are the simplicity on the other side of complexity.Same on the individual level.Very often we go through hardships and our life is so difficult.We go through a crisis, through a crucible.And what we need to do is to understand when we are going through that complexity and hardship and the crucible and the difficulties is that there is simplicity on the other side.Very often all we need to do is hanging on.Just wait a little bit longer.There will be more clarity more growth more development more joy at the end of it.“Oliver Wendell Holmes 讲到了复杂性另一面的简单性这适用于,不管是这门课的大部分内容都是很简单的,没有特别复杂的概念,但他们很多都是复杂性另一面的简单,对个人来说也是一样。我们经常会遇到困难,生活很艰难。我们会经历危机,残酷的考验。我们要做的就是当我们经历了这些复杂艰难严峻的考验和坎坷起伏后另一面就是简单。通常我们要做到的往往就是坚持。再等一会儿,就会更清楚明了,更能成长,更能进步,最终更快乐。”
“On your passing on the mice I was like ‘oh my god, I don’t really have anything to say, there are so many people, I will never do that’.And you said courage is not about fearless but about having fear and doing it anyway.So I just threw my pack over the wall.I was like ‘give me those mice!I’m going to do it!’ And it’s in my hand and I’m speaking.So thank you for that”
“在传递话筒时,我在想‘天啊,我不知该说什么,太多人了,我没法做到的’然后你说勇气不是没有畏惧,而是有了畏惧还坚持向前,所以我一下就把顾虑都抛弃了,就像要说给我话筒,我要说,而他现在在我手上。所以非常感谢”
That’s what it is about.It’s about behavioral change.Not in theory.Good “这就是行为转变而不是理论,很好。”
“You’ve spoken in the past few lectures about in an anonymous world and about how we would live if our action is anonymous.And I think that knowing what we want and actually pursuing what we want is or be really challenging even frightening.It’s just seems like you really know what you want and pursued and pursue what you want.And I think that is something to be really proud of.And you definitely seem to practice what you preach and teach.And I have enormous amount of respect foe you because of that”
“你前几节讲了关于匿名的世界,如果一切行为是匿名的,我们会如何生活,我认为知道我们真正想要的并勇敢追求我们想要的东西是很有挑战性的,甚至让人畏惧的,能够真正了解自己想要的并一心追求它,我觉得这是非常值得自豪的,而你确实时间了你所教给我们的东西,因为我对你有着崇高的敬意”
“There are many things but one thing I’m really learned from this class is it is important to focus on what we really like to do.You said many times in the class teaching is your calling.And I can see how much you enjoy teaching.And it was really inspiring to me.So I think I will remember that and I will keep looking for my calling and what I really like to do.Thank you”
“你讲过很多东西,但有一样我确实学到的就是专注于我们真正想做的事情,你在课堂上说过很多次教书就是你的使命,我能看出来你有多热爱教学,这让我很有感触,我会记住这一点并不断寻找我的使命,我真正想做的到底是什么,谢谢” Let’s take someone with the microphone.And we’ll give it to you.Anyone has microphone? “找到拿着话筒的人,把话筒给你,有人有话筒么”
“I used to be the kind of person who like run away from my problems and I used to try to ignore them until they went away.And I don’t do that anymore because I know that if I’m unhappy the only person who can do something about it is me.And I need to make a change.And this class has given me all sorts of tools to do that.So thank you”
“我以前是个总喜欢逃避问题的人,总是试图忽视问题直到他们消失而现在我不这样了,因为我知道如果我不开心,唯一能够解决的就是我自己,我要做出改变,这门课给了我很多这样做的帮助,谢谢”
“I just wanted to thank you for the idea of the power of commitment because it helps me get my job.You know and something that I want to do which is journalism versus something that I wasn’t excited about doing which is likes PR.So I wanted to thank you for that because you know I decided to jump into it and throw my pack over the wall.And that’s why I got it.So thank you”
“我想谢谢你告诉我们承诺的力量,他帮助我找到了工作,一边是我想做的事情,也就是记者,一边是我不太感兴趣的公共关系,我想为此感谢你,因为你使我决定投身其中抛弃一切顾虑,所以我找到了自己想要的工作,谢谢”
You know.Hi Newman fellows.“事实上,粉丝们好”
“I remember that you talked about when you stretch a muscle, its get stronger and brought up the idea of stretch zone.And I didn’t realize how much stronger I would become when I stretch myself and do things that weren’t in things in me stretch zone and my panic zone.I just thank you, because I think this class has really been the road map a lot of us have needed to change and becomes happier.Thank you”
“我记得你说过当拉伸肌肉时,它会变强,由此引出拉伸区的概念,我以前没有意识到当我拉伸自己,去尝试做一些在我的拉伸区和恐慌区里的事时,我有多强大,谢谢你,我觉得这门课对我们很多人来说就像地图一样指引我们改变,变得快乐,谢谢”
“Good afternoon everyone.I’d like to say you are great.Yeah.And also I’m a proud educator in the Milwaukee public school system.Are there any educators in the room? And what you speak of as Albert bandore and the theory of self efficacy is so very important.And anyone who is interested in youth empowerment or education is very important.No.1 to have high expectations for our children especially children of color ,cause as an educator I see what bandore talks about what deck talks about this diminished sense of reality for these kids that produces whole other world for them.So you know I just want to really focus and kind of stress that.And thank you for sharing that.That’s important to have expectations for children and for yourself of course ”
“各位下午好,我首先想说你太棒了,我是Milwaukee 公立学校体系的一名老师,在座有将来想要当老师的么?你之前讲过的Albert Bandera 和自我效能理论是非常重要的,任何对帮助青年成长或教育有兴趣的人对孩子们有高期望是非常重要的,尤其是有色人种的孩子。作为教育工作者,我明白Bandera 和deck想表达的意思,对这些孩子来说弱化了的现实,为他们创建一个完全不同的世界。我想强调并着重突出这一点,很感谢你讲了这个,对孩子们有高期望是很重要的,当然对自己也是很重要的。”
Right.Beliefs in self-fulfilling prophecies so often create the world our world and the world of those around us based on our beliefs.Let’s take a couple of more.And I will do my quick summary.“没错,自我实现预言经常改变世界,我们的以及我们周围的世界基于我们的信仰。我们再听几位,然后我再快速总结一下”
“I know this has been mentioned a couple times already but it’s so easy to blame others for our unhappiness or others’ actions or even our own actions for our unhappiness.But you’ve talked so many times about what’s going on in our own subconscious and how what subconscious may be doing is might actually preventing our unhappiness or preventing our happiness rather.And it just brought me back to marvel Collins and how if a student did something wrong, she made them go through the alphabet and say these are all good things about me.And it’s really been enlightening to try to think about how I’m thinking what I am not doing to others or what others are doing to me but what am I thinking that’s preventing me from being a happier person”
“我知道这已经被提到好几次了,但真的很容易将我们的不快乐归咎与其他人,其他人的行为甚至是我们自己的行为。但你说过很多次我们潜意识中发生的事以及潜意识的影响可能才是使得我们不快乐。这让我回想起marvel Collins,如果学生做错了什么事情,她回让她的学生们看一遍字母表说这些都是我好的方面。我们真的应该尝试去想,我想的是什么,对他们不做什么或他人对我做什么,但是要思考是什么阻止我变成一个更幸福的人”
That’s wonderful.Thank you.Let’s take two more.So up there.“很好谢谢。再听两位同学”
“I guess two things that really stuck with me from the class is the little clip you showed of the baby learning to walk.And just like what you conveyed the idea like this baby has no reason to like have a sense of why he’s falling down and it should be anything that he should be ashamed of.And that was just like a very effective way to kind of convey like we always saying kind of learn to fail and fail to learn.That’s really stuck with me.And also your own willingness to describe your own kind of rises and falls as you went through your studies of psychology and your experiences at Cambridge and’ Harvard and just you willingness to be very open about it.It’s kind of empowerment like ,for me is I’m about graduate and I go forward kind of maybe don’t know what exactly you want to do and you consider different options and obviously that fear of failures especially when you come from a place like Harvard is maybe especially xx.You just are willing to share these experiences and empowering.I feel as I kind of question the choices I am going to make.So I really appreciate that”
“这门课上我印象最深的两样东西就是你放小宝宝学走路的录像,你想表达的是这个宝宝并不知道他为何会摔倒也不知道他该为此感到羞耻,这是种很有效的方法让我们知道我们要学会失败,从失败中学习,这让我感触良多。以及你愿意说出你自己在做心理学研究时经历的起起伏伏以及你在剑桥哈佛的经历,你很愿意开诚布公的和我们分享,这让我感受到我要毕业了要继续发展并不清楚自己想做什么,会考虑各种选择,会感受到对失败的恐惧尤其是来自像哈佛这样的地方,更是让人倍感压力。而你愿意和我们分享这些经历,我就会重新考虑我要做的决定,对此我非常感谢”
“Everyday is a beautiful day.And to be grateful for that somehow makes it easier to go out and try to do things that maybe even we didn’t like.And common sense is not that common.And these are all a lot of things that I’ve learned I already knew.But now I learned it at Harvard” “每一天都是美好的对此感恩能让我们在做自己不喜欢的事情时能更轻松以及常识其实并不那么人尽皆知。这些都是,学的很多东西都是我已经知道的,但我现在是在哈佛学到的”
Let’ take one more.让我们再听一个
“So I’m senior and I’m leaving.So this is my last lecture class at Harvard.So I apologize if this message seems a little more geared towards the undergrads in the class.One of the things that I’m very impressed with is a large lecture class that is so far reaching as far as the number of people who want to take it and the diversity of students in the class.But I guess this experience that I like to share is that I came into this class admittedly because I value honesty I will say I took it because I thought it would be a nice complement to an otherwise a difficult senior spring.And I thought, well it’ll be nice class to have.And my sophomore year I had gone through kind of self discovery.Post depression that made me kind of value things in a different way.So I’ve been using these lessons that I learned sophomore year.And I thought well maybe this class will just be redundant.Turns out I went through other really difficult times during my senior spring.And sorry.I guess what I’d like to relate to especially the undergrads here is that very important if you are a freshmen if you are a sophomore.It’s not even too late as juniors.It’s very important to prioritize what’s really important to you at this school.And let me tell you it’s not the paper, it’s not the problem set.It’s not getting a full 8 hours sleep when your friends need your attention for an hour because the people here matter the most.And you will miss them.If you don’t spend time with them now you won’t have time to spend with them later on.So it’s very important prioritize what’s meaningful for you and what you really want to do at school because before you know it will be over.So thank you for helping me remember that and making it meaningful semester”
“我的大四的,马上要毕业了,这可能是我在哈佛的最后一堂课。如果我说的东西对于班里的低年级同学太过难以接受,我将为此道歉。我印象非常深的一点是这样一门涉及面广泛的大课,有如此多人想上这门课,班里的同学各种各样。但我想和大家分享的经历就是我来到这个课堂,我很诚实,必须承认,我认为这会是对艰难的大四春季学期的一个很好补充,我就在想这应该是门挺好玩的课。在我大二时,我有点开始自我探索,压抑的生活让我用不同方式来看待事物。我当是有了大二的这些想法,我就想也许这门课是多余的了,结果后来我又在大四的春季学期经历了艰难时期。抱歉,我最想和在座低年级同学分享的是就是如果你是大一的大二的甚至大三都不算晚。最重要的是搞清楚在学校里什么对你最重要。我告诉你们不是论文,不是讨论的问题,不是当你的朋友需要你空出一小时时你却说要保证八小时睡眠。因为这里的人是最重要的。你以后会想念他们,如果你不珍惜现在和他们一起的时光,以后很难有时间和他们共度,这非常重要,搞清楚真正对你有意义的是什么和你在学校真正想做的事情。因为在你不经意间,它就要结束了。谢谢你然后我铭记这一点,使得我这一个学期变得有意义”
Thank you.Let me summarize.All of the things that you already mentioned before these are not necessarily the most important.These are the ones that for me without looking back on my notes came up.First, the questions that you ask will very often determine the quest that you take.If we only asked the negative questions such as ‘why do so many of these individuals fail’.Then we won’t see the potential for greatness that exists in each individual if we only ask ‘how can my relationship be improved?’ And we will not see all the wonders and the treasures and the miracle that exist in the person best to us.We also need to ask the positive question, what is good about my relationship? What is great about my partner? What is wonderful about me? What is meaningful to me? What I am good at? Questions start a quest.And the kind of the quest they start depends on the quality of the question that we ask.The four minute mile beliefs create reality.Not only beliefs, but to be a great extent how we perceive reality is what actually comes true.Marvel Collins believed in her students and’ miracles happen.Those unreachable ones become extraordinary because of beliefs.“谢谢,谢谢你们,现在我来总结一下。你们刚刚讲到的这些所有东西,这些不一定是最重要的。这些东西我无需翻阅笔记就能想到。首先,你所问的问题经常会决定你所做的探索。如果我们只问消极的问题,比如为什么这么多人失败,我们就无法看到潜在在每个人心中的伟大,如果我们只问我的人际关系该怎么改善,我们就无法看见身边的人所拥有的宝贵财富和奇迹。我们同样要问积极的问题,我的人际关系中又什么好的方面,我的同伴有哪些优点,我自己有哪些优点,什么对我最有意义,什么能使我愉快,我擅长什么,问题会带来探索,探索的内容取决于我们所问的问题。我们常说信念创造现实,不仅是信念,更宽泛的说,我们如何理解现实才是最后所得的结果。Marvel Collins 相信她的学生,然后奇迹发生了,那些朽木难雕的学生因为信念而成就卓越。
Remember john Carlton’s study once again about business school graduates.Two things distinguish the extraordinary from the rest.One was that they always asking question always wanting to learn more having that humbleness that’s so important for growth and well being and self esteem.And second, they believe in themselves.They have confidence.They had the self efficacy to succeed and to thrive.How do we improve the belief? By putting ourselves on the line, by coping, by taking risks by showing ourselves that we can do it through visualization.There are no short cuts to success.Learn to fail or fail to learn.It’s no coincident that the most successful extraordinary people in history were also the ones who failed the most.Whether it was in sports, bade Ruth, who stuck out more than any other players of his time but also hit the most home runs.Whether it was Michael Jordan who described his failures time and time again whether it’s taking the game winning short where he didn’t make it or practicing over and over again.It’s no coincident that Thomas Edison the person who had more patents than any other scientist in history is also the scientist who had failed the most times.还记得john carton 关于商学院学生的研究么,将卓越和平庸分开的有两样东西,一个是他总在问问题,总想学习到更多,心怀谦逊,对成长,幸福和自尊尤为重要,其次他们相信自我,他们有自信,他们有自我效能通往成功和进步。我们如何提升信念?通过拉伸自我去尝试,挑战自我,通过具象化使我们明白自己可以做到。成功没有捷径,学会失败,从失败中学习。历史上很多成功的杰出人士,同样也是那些失败最惨重的人,这并非巧合。无论在体育界babe Ruth比同时代任何球员三振出局次数都多,但也是打出过最多的全垒打,还有Michael Jordan一次次的表现出失败,赛点时最后一个绝杀没有投进或不断重复的机械训练。Thomas Edison比任何科学家获得专利都多的人同样也是失败过最多的人,这也并非巧合。
Remember dean Simonton’ work on scientists as well as the artists.The most successful ones were also the ones who failed the most.There is no other way to learn.Moreover if we accept this, if we accept this growth mindset as opposed to fixed mindset that carols deck talks about it.Not only we will be, improved more, we will also be happier, because then not every experience is a threat to our ego, to our self, to our self esteem.If we accept the failure is inevitable whether in a relationship there are disappointments and arguments or individual life or on a national level.No perfect country, no perfect person, no perfect organization.And if we understand that life is about this as opposed about this, we’ll be so much happier, so much calmer and paradoxically so much successful.The permission to be human, there are two kinds of people who don’t experience painful emotions.Who are they again? The psychopath and dead people.I’m so glad none of you are psychopath and that you are all alive.It makes the class so much better, so much safer.还记得dean Simonton 对科学家和艺术家的研究么,最成功的往往是失败的最多的。没有别的方法可以学习,如果我们接受这一点,如果我们接受这种成长的心态而不是carol deck所说的固定心态,我们不仅会更有进步,也会更加幸福快乐,因为这样就不会每次经历都是对自我自尊的一种威胁,如果我们接受失败是不可避免的,不管是在人际关系中存在失望和争吵还是在个人生活中或从国家来说,没有完美的国家,没有完美的人。没有完美的组织,如果我们明白生命是个上升的螺旋而非一条直线,我们会幸福得很多,冷静得多并且也更加成功。允许为人,世界上有两种人不会经历感情创伤,哪两种人,精神病患者和死人,我很高兴你们都不是精神病患者也都还活着,这让这门课好上很多,安全很多。
You are not going to come out of this class experience a constant high.No one can experience a constant high.You are going to continue to have those ups and downs.The only difference I hope that you will experience now is that when you experience a painful emotion you will look at it and sailor I’m human.It hurts.I wish it weren’t that way, but I accept it just like you accept the law of gravity, because the law of gravity is as much part of physical nature as painful emotion is a part of human nature.Permission to be human.We talked about many interventions that work in this class.Most interventions don’t work as we’ve seen whether it’s with the Somerville study or others.Journaling works.When we write, when we open up, whether it’s writing or sharing with a person we care about.And it can be a therapist;it can be our best friend, our partner.When we share, when we open up, we are able to make a sense, creat a sense of coherence in the words of Antonovsky about the experience of our lives and enjoy higher levels of happiness.It works.There are so many treasures of happiness all around us and within us.And the question is do we notice them? Or do we take them for granted.你不可能学完这门课后就能一直保持人生平顺,没人能一直保持人生平顺,你还会经历坎坷起伏,我希望你们唯一能感受到的区别就是当经历感情创伤的时候,你会看着它说,我只是普通人,我很难过,真希望事情不是这样的,但我接受它就像接受重力定律一样,因为重力定律是一种物质本质就像感情创伤是一种人性本质,允许为人,在课堂上我们讲了很多种干预,大多数干预并不起作用,正如Somerville的研究和其他研究显示的而日记可以。在写东西时,我们在打开内心,不管是写还是和我们关心的人倾述可以是心理咨询师,可以是好朋友,爱人,当我们分享,开放内心时,我们就能建立一种感觉,用antonovsky的话来说就是关联性的感觉来看待我们生命中的经历得到更高层次的快乐,这是有用的,我们周围和内心有那么多快乐而问题在于我们注意到它们了嘛,还是把它们想成了理所当然。
Remember the word, appreciate.It has two meanings.One is to say thank you for something which is a nice thing to do again, sister called the gratitude is the highest of virtues.It’s nice thing to be grateful.The second meaning is Noels important.Appreciate means to grow.And when we appreciate the good in our lives, when we appreciate the good in our relationship, when we appreciate our partner, our friends, our classmates, when we appreciate our country, the good grows.Unfortunately the opposite is also the case.When we don’t appreciate, the good depreciate.There is no perfect relationship, no perfect person, and no perfect country.The important thing through is to focus on what is working.Appreciate it so that it appreciates.So many people wonder why they are not happy even though they have all the things that they want in their lives.Why? Because there can be too much of a good thing.Remember my favorite piece of music? 回忆一下appreciate这个词有两种意思,一种是表示感谢,这是很好的,人们常说感恩是最高尚的美德,感激是一件很好的事,第二种意思也同样重要,意思是增值,当我们感激生活中好的方面,感激人际关系中好的方面,感激我们的伴侣、同学、朋友,感激我们的国家,这些好处就会增值,不幸的是相反的事也会发生,但我们不予以感恩时,好的方面就会贬值,世上没有完美的人际关系,没有玩美的人,没有完美的国家,最重要的是要关注什么是有效的,感激它,它才能增值,很多人疑惑自己为什么总是不快乐,即使他们已经得到了想要的一切,为什么,因为好东西太多有时也不是好事,还记得玩么最喜欢的歌么
Whitney Houston and I will always love you, straight 10.Second favourite, Beethoven’s 9th, 9.5.Play together is noise.Not 19.5, not10, not5.Noise.There can be too much of a good thing.Easier said that done to simplify.But remember that a much better predictor of well being than material affluence is time affluence.Simplify.Assert yourself.Say no at times when it’s appropriate.Find out what you really, really want to do with your life and do it.The no.1 predictor of well being an intimate relationship that you cultivate and in the future matters more than anything else in the world.Yes, even more than a problem set, even more than an exam, even more than how widely successful we are and how admired we are.Yeah, that will lead to a spike in our well being very quickly will go back to base level just like the tenure professors went back to the base level.Just like the lottery winners.And the highly successful individuals who thought they had made it and went to base level and below because they didn’t know what would make them happier.Well this is what can one of the things can make us happier.And to cultivate relationship means to invest in them, to put time into them.To share, to open up.Just like we would invest if we find our ideal job, ideal workplace, we would start to invest then same with relationship.Remember movies end where love begins.It’s about cultivating the relationship after the screen comes down after the sunset that’s where the investment that’s where the return of investment comes.whiney Houston我将永远爱你,十分满分,第二首喜欢的贝多芬第九交响乐9.5分,在一起播放就是噪音,不是19.5,10分或5分,只是噪音,好东西太多也不是好事,要将一切简化说起来容易,做起来难,但记住玩么说过的比物质充裕更能带来幸福的是时间充裕,简化,果断坚决,在适当的时候学会说不,弄清楚你究竟,真正想做的东西,然后去做。最能预示幸福的是人际关系,你先找和未来经营的一段,亲密关系比世界任何事都重要,甚至比问问题更重要,比考试更重要,比我们有多成功,多被人敬仰更重要的多。对,成功会使我们的幸福感陡升而很快就降到基础水平,就像获得长期聘用的大学教授,就像彩票中了大奖的人,那些以为自己非常成功的人,很快又会回到基准水平甚至更低。因为他们不知道什么会让他们更快乐。这就是一种,其中一种让我们更快乐的方法,经营一段感情就意味着为之投入,向其中投入时间,彼此分享和交流,就像我们会投入,如果我们找到了理想的工作,我们会将自己投入其中,人际关系也是这样。电影总在结尾时爱情才开始。在大屏幕暗下来后继续经营感情,在日落之后,此时我们的投入才有了回报。
Our mind can only take us only so far.You know I know positive psychology pretty well;I apply everything that I talk about here.However, I really think that if I was not cognizant of the body mind connection and applying the body mind connection to my life.I would be far less happy than I am today.Why? Because I would be compromising on my base level god’s given, gene’s given level of well being.Because when we don’t exercise, it’s like taking a depressant.And we have to fight our nature.And it’s very hard to fight our nature.It’s very difficult to enhance our levels of well being as is to have also fight against nature is incredibly difficult.So remember the wonder drug.Exercise at least four times a week for 30 minutes.If you can ,if you are interested do some formal yoga or mindful meditation, sitting ,meditation.If not, at very least, breathe deeply a few times a day.Three deep breaths can make a big difference.Now is not a bad time to do it.Sleep when possible 8 hours or somewhere around 8 hours a night of sleep.And touch.Hug, embrace an underused sense is so important.Be known rather than be validated.And again all of us need to be validated.Its note about getting rid of our dependent self esteem but it is very much about first and foremost being known expressing rather than impressing.Life becomes so much lighter, so much easier, so much more exciting when we are expressing ourselves.Being known rather than being validated whether it’s with our romantic partner, our family, our friends, our colleagues, our class, the foundation of the growth of intimacy and passion in long term relationships.Easier said than done.It’s so important.Now I tried to have top10 but I couldn’t.I had to have one more, so you’ll have to excuse me.The last one and the one brings together all the others on so many levels are the one about change.思想带给我们的前进是有限的。我很了解积极心理学,我实践了我所有我教的知识,然而我真的觉得如果我不知道精神肉体的联系并将精神肉体联系应用于我们的生活,我一定没有今天这么快乐,为什么,因为我会屈服于上帝所决定的基准水平,基因决定的基准幸福水平。因为当我们不锻炼时,就像打了镇静剂,我们必须和本性抗争,和本性抗争是很难的,提升我们幸福水平是很难的,而同时要和本性抗争则是难以想象的困难。还记得灵药么,每周锻炼四次,每次半小时,如果你可以,如果你有兴趣,去做做瑜伽或冥想,打坐冥想,如果不行,那么至少每天深呼吸几次,三次深呼吸就有显著效果”,现在就可以试试。睡眠,可能的话八小时或者接近八小时,以及触摸。抱,拥抱,这个总被忽视的感官却非常重要。被了解而非被证明,我们所有人都需要被证明,并不是说要完全去除我们依赖别人的自尊,但更重要的是被了解,去表达而非给他人留下印象,人生会变得更轻松,更简单,更让人兴奋。如果我们能表达自我,被了解而非被证明,无论是和我们的伴侣,家人,朋友,同事,同学,这都是在长期人际关系中亲密和激情增加的基础。说起来容易做起来难,这非常重要,我想列出前十,但我做不到,有一个不得不提,所以你们要谅解。最后能将所有东西整合在一起的一点就是关于转变的内容。
Finally.You’ve been waiting the entire semester just for this well was worth the wait I hope.There’re two types.I mean there are many types but there’re two types of graduates from 1504 or any other class or workshop that is about attaining higher levels of happiness.One that at best enjoys a temperate high or a nice memory and goes back down to a base level.And the second that enjoys maybe the same temperate high which cannot last our entire lives but still enjoy continuous growth throughout their lives.And the difference, the primary difference is whether or not you introduce behavioral changes.Remember peter ducker what he said whenever people came to him for a weekend seminar intensive.He said on Monday, don’t call me to tell how wonderful it was, call me and tell me what you are doing differently.Because in his 65 years of experience working with the most successful the most inspiring the best and the brightest people in the world, what he’s found that this is what extinguishes real lasting change from a temperate high.Don’t tell me how wonderful it was.Tell me what you doing differently on Monday.Introduce behavioral changes now.This is the core of change.What you learned in the class hopefully is only the beginning.Because remember once again carton’s study.The people who succeed, the most who are the happiest, succeed the most in the ultimate currency in a long term ones who are lifelong learners always asking questions, always finding out more.But there are many people with good intentions, but good intentions are not enough.What we also need is the foundation, the empirical, rigorous scientific foundation of things that work.And when we know these things then we pay them forward then we share them.In psychology among other in humanities, what you got here at Harvard? What are you getting here at Harvard? Is that foundation that can make the world a better place? I don’t teach this class only because it is fun for me.It’ fun.Yes, it is pleasurable to me.I told you I can’t wait for Tuesdays and Thursdays to share what I care about the most with you.Yes it’s fun.But I don’t do it just because of that.I do it because I think the ideas of some of the greatest psychologists that I have quoted and cited and cited and discussed their ideas can change the world for the better.Mallow back in 1954 wrote: I am not only the disinterested and impersonal seeker for pure cold truth for its own sake.I am also very definitely interested and concerned with man’s fate with his ends and goals and with his future.I would like to help improve him and better his prospects.I hope to help teach him how to be brotherly,cooperative,peaceful,courageous and just, I think science is the best hope for achieving this and of all the sciences.I consider psychology most important to this end.Indeed, I sometimes think that the world will either be saved by psychologists in very broadest sense or else it will not be saved at all.In the broadest sense of psychologists.It doesn’t mean that you now have to go on and get a PHD in psychology or to concentrate in psychology.But it means to be constant cognizant to be self aware of what is going on in here the most wondrous and amazing entity in the universe, to understand what’s going on here and there, and here and how they connected and to share it by being practical idealists.And you can make a difference.Because the one has incredible power.Remember if you make three people smile, and they make three other people smile.After 20 interactions you’ll touch every single human being on the planet.Happiness is contagious.Let me show you one last video of how happiness and joy is contagious.终于讲到了,你们一整个学期就等着它了,希望不会辜负你们的期待。有两种,事实上有很多种类型,但有两种类型的学生上过这门课或其他关于更高层次的幸福的课。一种是会感觉很愉快或美好的回忆,然后回到基准水平。第二种同样感觉很愉快,虽然不可能持续整个人生,但仍然在未来持续增长,其区别最基本的区别就在于你是否发生了行为转变。还记得peter drucker说过每当人们去参加他的周末研讨班,他周一时都会说“别打电话告诉我说这课有多棒,告诉我你开始变得不一样了”在他和世界上最成功最出色最聪明的人一起合作的五六十年间,他发现这才是能让人一直保持愉悦和平和的原因,不要告诉我这课有多棒,告诉我你周一做了什么改变,从现在开始进行行为转变。这就是改变的核心。回忆下在Carlton的研究中成功的人最快乐的人就最成功地实现了终极目标。从长远来看,他一生都在学习,永远在问问题,永远探索有很多人都有很好的意图,但很好的意图还不够,我们需要的还有基础,实用的,严格的,科学的基础来起作用。当我们了解这些东西后再将它们传递出去和他人分享。在很多人文及社会的科学中包括心理学“你在哈佛收获了什么,得到了什么”就是这种基础来使世界变得更美好。我教这门课不仅因为觉得它有趣,它确实很有趣,我觉得很愉快,我说过我总是等不及到周二和周四来和你们分享我最关系的东西。但我教这门课不仅仅因为这个更因为我认为一些伟大心理学家的想法,我引用过也讨论过的他们的想法能使世界变得更好。1954年时mallow写道:我不仅是对纯粹的冷漠真理,公正客观的探索者,我也很有兴趣关注人类的命运其结局、目标以及未来,我想帮助人类进步,改善其前景,我希望教会他如何友爱他人、和平互助、勇敢坚毅、正直公平,我认为科学是达到这个目标最大的希望而在所有学科中我认为心理学是最有潜力的,事实上我有时觉得世界要么被广义的心理学家拯救要么就无法被拯救,广义的心理学家,这并不意味着你现在就应该去读个心理学的博士或潜心研究心理学而是要时刻意识到了解你大脑中发生的一切,这宇宙中最令人惊异的实体,了解它所发生的一切周围环境以及你的心,它们如何联系在一起的,并作为现实理想主义者来分享它,你们可以有影响,每个人都有不可思议的力量,还记得吗,如果你让三个人微笑,他们会让另外三个人微笑,如此20次以后,就能传到地球上每一个人,快乐会传染的,让我再展示最后一段关于幸福快乐如何传染的录像。
What kind of world that they will grow into depends on you.And it depends on whether or not you first and foremost take care of yourself.In the words of Gandhi, Be the change you want to see in the world.If you want a happier world, be that change.All the places you will go.I would like to remind you that every time you go to a place and very often you will fly to a place that every time you go.You will hear something that hopefully will trigger hopefully will remind you how important it is to take care of yourself, because to take care of others, you first and foremost need to take care of yourself.You know when you fly and the flight attendant says in case of any emergency and the oxygen mask comes down, first help yourself before you help others who need your help.Because that is the source the foundation of the golden rule.It is the foundation of a better world.The ultimate currency.So each time you go of those wonderful places exotic or otherwise, remember to simplify, remember to take care of yourself, remember to exercise, remember to assert yourself and say no when appropriate.Remember to cultivate your relationships.Remember what it is that is really important for you in your life.This experience thins semester for me has been extraordinary.And it was made extraordinary first by the amazing teaching staff that we have.Won’t you come up?
他们会在怎样的世界中成长取决于你,取决于你是否首先关注了自身,引用甘地的话‘欲变世界,先变起身’如果你想要更快乐的世界,你自己先快乐起来。所有你们去的地方,我想提醒你们,每次你们去一个地方,通常情况下,你都会坐飞机去,这样你每次去时都会听到一些引起你反思,照顾自己有多重要的东西,要照顾别人,你首先要照顾好自己。当你坐飞机时,乘务员会说,以防紧急情况,氧气面罩会脱落。首先自己戴上,在去帮助需要帮助的人。因为这就是黄金法则的基础,是更美好的世界的基础,终极目标。每次你去一个美丽的地方,国外或国内。记住要简化问题。记住照顾自己,记住要锻炼,记住要果断坚决在适当的时候说不,记住要经营你的感情,记住你生命中什么才是真正最最重要的东西。这个经历,这个学期对我来说非常特别,它之所以这么特别首先是因为这些出色的教职员工。上台来吧。
6.幸福课哈佛最受欢迎的一堂课 篇六
幸福课 哈佛最受欢迎的一堂课
女儿上高中时,就听说哈佛大学有一门课叫“幸福课”,授课者是年轻 的讲师宾-夏哈尔(T.Ben-Shahar)。女儿被哈佛录取后,我建议 她选修 这门课。我对她说,有些人不知道怎样面对成功或失败,往 往通过酗酒吸毒滥交飙车来放纵自己,寻求刺激,难以自拔。虽然努 力奋斗是人生非常重要的一部分,但 也要去学会接受自己的不足,因为学会享受快乐比世俗意义上的成功更加重要。谁知,她入学那一年,这门课只对 高年级开课。女儿说,那我就等 明年再说吧。可第二年也没等到。据说,夏哈尔后来不知何故停止了 这门课。失望之余,女儿买来了他的书“Happier”。一口气看完后,
她把书留在家里,对我说,“妈咪,我建议你也来读一读这本书,然 后我们可以一起讨论。” 那 么,这门“幸福课”是一门什么样的课程?本-沙哈尔说道:“第一 次教授这门心理学课时,只有 8 个学生报名,其中,还有 2 人中途退 课。第二次,人数增至 400 名学生。到了第三次,当学生数目达到 850 人时,让我感到紧张和不安。特别是连那些家长、爷爷奶奶和媒 体也现在我课堂上的时侯”。据说,后来听课人数超过了哈佛的热门 课《经济学导论》,趋之若鹜者甚至多达一千多人。看来,成年人也 希望掌握如个拥有幸福感的秘诀. 本 -沙哈尔认为:幸福感是衡量人生的最重要的唯一标准,是所有 目标的最终目标。人们衡量商业成就时,标准是钱。用钱去评估资 产和债务、利润和亏损,所有与钱无关的都不会被考虑进去,金钱 是最高的财富。但是,人生与商业一样,也有盈利和亏损。具体地 说,在看待自己的生命时,可以把负面情绪当作支出,把正面情绪当 作收入。当正面情绪多于负面情绪时,我们在幸福这一至高财富上就 盈利了。所以幸福,应该是快乐与意义的结合!一个幸福的人,必 须有一个明确的、可以带来快乐和意义的目标,然后努力地去追求。真正快乐的人,会在自己觉得有意义的生活方式 里,享受它的点点 滴滴。本-沙哈尔希望他的学生,学会接受自己,不要忽略自己所拥有的独 特性; 要摆脱完美主义,要学会失败。为了更好地记住“幸福课”的 要素,本-沙哈尔还为学生简化出 10 条要点:
1:遵从你内心的热情。选择对你有意义并且能让你快乐的课,不要 只是为了轻松地拿一个 A 而选课,或选你朋友上的课,或是别人认 为你应该上的课。2:多和朋友们在一起。不要被日常工作缠身,亲密的人际关系,是 你幸福感的信号,最有可能为你带来幸福。3:学会失败。成功没有快捷方
式,历史上有成就的人,总是敢于行 动,也会经常失败。不要让对失败的恐惧,绊住你尝试新事物的脚 步。4:接受自己全然为人。失望、烦乱、悲伤是人性的一部分。接纳这 些,并把它们当成自然之事,允许自己偶尔的失落和伤感。然后问 问自己,能做些什么来让自己感觉好过一点。5:简化生活。更多并不总代表更好,好事多了,也不一定有利。你 选了太多的课吗? 参加了太多的活动吗?应求精而不在多。6:有规律地锻炼。体育运动是你生活中最重要的事情之一。每周只 要 3 次,每次只要 30 分钟,就能大大改善你的身心健康。7:睡眠。虽然有时熬通宵是不可避免的,但每天 7 到 9 小时的睡眠 是一笔非常棒的投资。这样,在醒着的时候,你会更有效率、更有 创造力,也会更开心。8.慷慨。现在,你的钱包里可能没有太多钱,你也没有太多时间。但这并不意味 着你无法助人。给予和接受是一件事的两个面。当我 们帮助别人时,我们也在帮助自己; 当我们帮助自己时,也是在间 接地帮助他人。
9:勇敢。勇气并不是不恐惧,而是心怀恐惧,仍依然向前。10:表达感激。生活中,不要把你的家人、朋友、健康、教育等这一 切当成理所当然的。它们都是你回味无穷的礼物。记录他人的点滴 恩惠,始终保持感恩之心。这些对大学生的训诫,或许对中学生、小学生也有启示。为人父母者,在我们把孩子送出家门走入社会之前,是不是得教会孩子这门幸福 课? 注: 中国也应开这门课。
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